General Blog

I thought I’d add a daily (when there’s something to report) blog to this site. David or someone from the family often make me laugh or I may see something that warms my heart and I thought I may as well share.

This is a ‘warms my heart’ category post…
I’ve recently met a new and beautiful friend named Erin, who runs ‘Tortations’ polymer clay crafts, and makes the most *gorgeous* little tortoises that you could ever imagine! Anyway, she’s doing a giveaway of one of them, so if you go here you’ll be able to see all the details, and maybe enter for yourself. You’ll need to join up with DeviantArt to enter though. Or you can just view her gallery of adorableness

Be sure to read her descriptions for each of these amazing creations – she’s just so cute and funny in all she writes about each one! All can be purchased from Erin’s Tortations Etsy Store

Some slightly adult themes but (I hope!) tastefully worded!

2nd Apr 2012
I went into a chemist (pharmacy) to buy some Evening Primrose Oil and as I was paying, my adult son came and bumped into me and put his arm around me. The young, beautiful assistant looked a bit eyepopping and horrified that I was being hugged by a guy young enough to be my son (well, duh!!!) so I said, excitedly, of the Evening Primrose Oil “This stuff sure keeps me young!” She hurriedly went back to her desk work, acting quite offended, and Dan and I rolled around the floor laughing!

17th Feb 2012
The suite. Well… a year ago in November my Mum had her village fete and, having asked everyone in the family if they wanted Nanny & Grandad’s lounge suite and nobody wanting it (or in my case not having the room), she reluctantly gave it to her fete. And that was that. In September of course we saw this house and put in an offer to buy with our moving date of Sat 5th Nov.

On Sun 13th Nov David was to have worked but he declined it. They’re allowed to refuse Sunday shifts. This gave us more time for moving in and such but we decided we’d go to the fete. Had he worked the night before we wouldn’t have woken up until 10 but he’d been off so we easily work in time for the 9am start of the fete. Had he been working early I would certainly not have gone to the fete at all.!! We walked through the gates and there, amongst the furniture was Nanny & Grandad’s suite. I burst into tears to see it sitting there like so much rubbish and now we had room for it!!! David asked the price and the man said (seemingly both at the same time) $60, and to me “There’s no need to cry!” And I replied “But it was my grandparents’ suite!” So the man put a sold sign on it, even though we had not yet paid, and we rang Nathan to see if we could race down for his trailer – and we could.

We went inside to see Mum, who was manning the jewellery stall and told her (me still rather blinky) what we’d just bought and she said “Well! I wouldn’t believe it from anyone else. There’s a story attached to that!” How could she not know it was for sale and yet know there was a story to tell? And she was not going to tell us about it right there.

So we brought it home and put it in the lounge room because our big lounge was still at the old house – and still would be for another 3 months, but we didn’t know that yet.

Mum came to visit, hesitating through the front door and glancing into the lounge almost fearfully and said “NOW I believe it. Not that I didn’t before, but I had to see it with my own eyes!” And we sat on The Lounge and she told us the story that had swept through the volunteering staff that morning…

It seems that a man who lived in the village went to the furniture for sale section and told the stall holder that he wanted to bring back the lounge that he bought last year and swap it for a new one. This wasn’t a problem until it became apparent that he wanted the new one for free. Well things escalated and it seems there was almost a punch up over it! I’m not totally sure what the outcome was, other than that The Family Suite was for sale when I got there. How wonderful, exciting and miraculous to have it back in the family again. It’s still in almost perfect condition too and is almost 45 years old!

And it seems that all of the other lounge suits that day sold for $100 to $200, which we’d have been very hard pushed to find at that point. The $60 was a stretch! Why oh why did he answer $60 to David? He did not know it was (kind of) ‘rightfully mine’. He did not know why I was crying. And as I’ve said, it was in perfect condition even for a much younger suite than it is!

So that’s the happy ending of the 4th chapter in the life of Nanny & Grandad’s lounge suite. First they owned it, then Mum, then persons unknown, and now us 🙂

21st Sep 2010
I picked up my grandsons from preschool and daycare this afternoon and as I was driving around a rather large roundabout near our home the 2 year old said “Heeeeellllllppp!!” followed by the 5 year old saying “Wow! Were we up on 2 wheels just now?” Oh great, I can just imagine them going home to my DIL with that story – I’ll never be allowed near them again!!! It’s just a big roundabout, truly, I’m a very careful driver, particularly when I have a precious load!

Thu 16th Sep 2010
We were discussing camels – the age old, one hump or two and knew that one name was dromedary. But what was the other? David’s reply… monodary!

At the time we were in a Subway and the 4 staff members were; an Asian lady, an Indian man, an African lady and a white Australian guy. I was so excited – 2 of each gender and 1 representative from four different cultural groups. I know we could have added heaps of others as well but I was happy!

[Big time gap that I will fill when I find my other notes!]

30th Jan 2010
My very own clown has been up to his usual and I’ve just got to writing down the ones I can remember…

On Christmas Day as we travelled in the bus there was a balloon bouncing, unattended, down the path and David said “It’s not much of a life for an escaped balloon is it?  ‘I’m free, I’m FREEeeeeee’ BOOM!!!”  (Well, it made me giggle!)

Then there was a speed camera – still Christmas Day – and he said “Merry Christmas!  You’ll get your card in 3 months and thank you for participating!”

Last week he was telling me about a work mate from London… “What was the place?  Sounds like Wimbledon…  Oh!  Clapham!  That’s it!!!”

And then he popped in to see me at work last Monday so I was hugging him and wouldn’t let go so he said “Get off me you… parasite!!!”  The young (well, 26 anyway) girl that helps on a Monday was in the room having met him for the first time.  In just 5 minutes of him being there she summed him up as ‘a cheeky bugger’.  How right she is!!!

Wed 2nd Sep 09
We were woken by the phone at 9:15. I’d managed to stay semi asleep until David had to leap out of bed to get the credit card for the guy and threw the dog up in the air and she landed on my chest making me go ‘ooofff’ loudly enough that David had to explain to the guy on the phone what had happened. “It’s OK” says he “I just threw the dog on my wife!” Ah well, that explains everything ROFL

Sat 22nd Aug 2009
There was a little speck of something dried up on the bedspread today and (being the biggest woos alive) I asked David to move it. He picked it up with his bare hands and I suspect it was something that came off the tail end of the dog so I asked him to wash his hands. He went in to the ensuite and I followed, as I was talking to him, and he turned the tap on and then straight back off again. I was about to tell him off for having pathetic washing skills when I realised he had not even put his hands under the water, it was just sound effects to fob me off. What on earth am I going to do with him?

I know what I’m ***not*** going to do with him!!!

22 July 09
Well guess what? I just sent my 80 year old in-laws a pornographic website link. A guy I email regularly sends me picture links on the web to photos of his old home town in England which happens to be the town David spent his early years in. Means nothing to me. So I’ve been viewing them and forwarding them to David (not that he can remember the places) and the in-laws. Anyway, boooorring as far as I’m concerned, so tonight I just forwarded 2 of them on without previewing.

David said “What’s this you’ve sent me?” (We have separate computers.) And I replied “Pics of your home town, why?” and turned to look. OK. Sights I didn’t want to see were displayed in living, shall we say *graphic* colour across his screen. “Where did you get that?” says I. “From the link you sent me” says he. My eyes got very big and I said “But I’ve sent it to your parents!!! You’d better ring them. QUICK!!!”

And he did. “Have you got your computer on?” he asks. “Have you checked your email?” “In the last 2 minutes?” “Oh dear!” “Oh! You found it funny? Hilarious? Oh thank goodness for that!!!”

Turns out they’d had a laugh, didn’t know what to do with it so had put the email into their ‘Ask David What To Do With This Folder’. He told them to delete it and we’ve been giggling all evening. Them too thankfully!

26 July 09 – I’ve been working 2 days a week for ages after an exhausting 8 week stint.  Working tires me out at it means getting up 4 hours earlier than we usually do so I’m jet lagged…
Yesterday and today David has asked me where his confident girl has gone. The one that doesn’t care what anyone thinks. He’s really confused, and to tell the truth so am I.

This is how I used to be, easily hurt, tearful, fearful, ever revolving mind. So where did the new me go?

I’ve had a lot of non-optimal food the past few weeks – mostly birthday/catching up with family related – I have not exercised for the past few weeks. Truth to tell I am really ready to have a properly retired-from-work period but it’s going to be even more full on in August! When I said I’d do relief work I expected about 5 weeks a year. This calendar year I’ve done 66 days and know for a fact I still have 26 to do.

Every day but Sunday is full. I’m worn out. So what’s caused the temperament reversal? Wish I knew, but I’m going to eat as healthily as I can and leave the rest alone so I can truly test that aspect.

Here’s a sample of my last hour (I may as well still have small children at home!)

Preparing dinner…
Chop, chop, Let dog out
Chop, chop, Answer phone to David
Whizz, whizz, Let dog back in
Whizz, stir, Ignore dog asking to go back out

Eating dinner…
Slurp, Ignore dog wanting to get on my lap
Slurp, Open door for cat to come in
Not even a slurp, Pick up birthday cards cat has scattered
Half a slurp, Trip over play-fighting dog and cat on the way to…
Feed cat
2 slurps and a chew, Answer phone to David
Chew, chew, ignore dog circling ever more frantically because she’s not on my lap
Ignore dog whining

I haven’t finished eating my dinner yet. I wonder what delights are in store for the 2nd half of it?

19 July 09 – from David
“Well the Other Half says that May had a wonderfull day for her birthday yeasterday and I must admit I enjoyed it also. we took some raw [food] stuff to the depot on Friday and were sharing green slime [green smoothies] which was more mud colour for some reason and got quite good report from many people that it suprised them how good it was.
We had a little naughty lunch with my Parents at a resturant up in the hills and then went to a Belly Dance show which was good. As for me well not a good RAW day. proper hot food was the go for lunch and at the show well it was a sports club so beer was the go but I enjoyed it.

well try to get back on track soon (probably Summer time if I have my way) with this weather food sould be warm or even better HOT.

I am looking in the RAW pantry for some real food and well what do you know not finding much so staving tiime yet again

so long the desperate one ”

29 Apr 09
We went to the shops yesterday and David had me in stitches with a continuing stream of typical behaviour. The one that stays most in my mind was on the travelator, you know those sloping paths that move up a floor. Well this is what most people look like travelling up one,

followed by how David and May looked. He can’t be like everyone else but had to stand at right angles to his feet!

I was giggling all afternoon on and off which just sets him up to do more things including showing me what wobbles on a naked man when he uses a salad spinner. He had to strip to do it!!!

4 Apr 09 – I’d been working full-time for 8 weeks which means I only get to see my beloved David twice a week 🙁
I’d almost finished counting the money at work and soon after 11am when there was a tap at the door. I opened it expecting a driver. Well I guess it was but it was MY driver. My David. I don’t know what my face did but after taking it in that it really was him I just grabbed him and squeezed him and laughed. And then cried!!! It was like the wall I had up, holding my emotions in, just broke. Not badly, but I couldn’t see for tears. I picked myself up but said “I can’t let go of you!” and I couldn’t prize my arms from around him.

My very ‘dry’ young coworker said “Just don’t ‘do it’ on the table will you?” We both laughed.

David had come to take me to lunch as a surprise!

While we were at lunch the waitress had knocked over a chair which made a bang. She must have caught David’s eye as he made heart pounding motions with his hands and pretended to breath heavily then laughed. Then she passed by our table and he reached his head up making a ‘kissy face’ and said hopefully “Mouth to mouth?”. I don’t suppose most men make a pass at other women while their wives are sitting across the table from them!

This is one of the security guards who comes to pick up the money…

Thu 8th Jan 09
Well, we had the two eldest grandchildren over for 4 hours today which was really lovely.  They played together nicely with very few misadventures.  Dan and Christina arrived to come for afternoon tea before taking Jamie away but Nat and Amie had not yet arrived.  David had left for work.  And suddenly I heard Marley make a little woof sound such as she makes if she’s asking to come indoors when the door is shut.

So I went to the door… not there.  Went to the other door… not there.  And began to go through the house opening every door and calling her… nothing.  I began to wonder if she’d got out of the garage when Christina arrived and started to call her in the back laneway… nothing.  She’s never got out before so I was starting to worry.

Then Dan called me from indoors “Mar, I’ve got her!”  Oh, thank goodness! Now you can look at the photo.  She was *inside* this!!!

I suspect she had some childlike help don’t you, considering the laundry hamper is about 4 times her height?  Whatever made them put her in there?  And I do hope it wasn’t head first from a great height.  Poor little doggy has slept soundly ever since they left 3½ hours ago.

Sat 3rd Jan 09
I was talking to David about ‘the curly line sign’ on the computer near the escape key and he said “Oh, the tildo!”.  Well I was impressed.  Not quite right but impressive for him so, being a smart arse, I said “And what do you call 3 full stops in a row?”

And he, being a smart arse of a different ilk, replied “A mistake?”

Sat 18th Oct 08
David’s on the phone doing IT help with his father who can’t move a picture from one folder to another on his computer.  He’s on explanation No.3 so far.

David “Have you got a scroll bar on the bottom there?”

Answer must have been “What?”

David “Have you got a square on a rectangle….”

I did laugh!

Speaking of which I looked after Georgia yesterday and she’s a shocker for pulling Marley around or throttling her while saying “Oh Marley, I love you SO much!”  We have conversations like

Georgia “Marley is biting me”

May “Well that suggests to me that you might be pulling her around, are you?”

Georgia, with a matter-of-fact sigh in her voice “Yeah”

So yesterday I came into the bedroom to find Marley laying on David’s pillow and Georgia with a death grip on one of her front feet.

May “Georgia, are you pulling Marley around?”

Georgia “No.  I’m holding her hand”

I laughed so much!

Tue 2nd Sep 08
I said to David “Don’t you want a butler with ‘almost telephathic levels of service’?  (That sentence really tickled me when I read it on an expensive hotel site.)

David replied “No I don’t want some bloody git hanging around my a**e with a towel ready for when I’ve finished a shower”.

He’s just seen what I’m typing and is shaking his head saying “I don’t know.  I’m going to keep my bloody mouth shut!” and he’s gone for a shower.  I won’t be there with a towel for him!

Sat 16th Aug 08
David’s doing IT help for his parents!!!  When you’re dealing with his Dad, who calls the space bar ‘the long one’ a disk drive ‘the sloppy disk’ and clicking with the mouse ‘poking it’… well, need I say more?  You can see where he gets his humour from.  They also call an email ‘a message through the machine’.

Tue 19th Dec 06
David “I haven’t had time to buy you a card”
May “You could have made me one, the equipment is all through there on the table”
David…. silence except for a quick tearing noise and then scribbling noises
David “Here you are!!!”

May “Thank you very much that’s BEAUTIFUL!!!” Until I saw the reverse of the card…

May laughs and says “What care?  You just scribbled it in 2 seconds”

David amends card.

Wed 29 Nov 06
Years ago I bought a Christmas tree decoration of a santa that hangs on the tree.  If you put your finger across 2 metal bits on the bottom it plays Christmas carols.  I tried it and it didn’t work so David hung it on a tiny tree we’ve decorated out in the front garden.  This morning after the sprinklers had been on David went out the front to check everything had been watered and the darn thing is singing it’s heart out!!!!!  Guess it got wet and shorted.

But wait there’s more.  I went out at lunch time and it’s still singing.  I bought it in to dry it but it still sang until it was driving me bananas so I shut it in the fridge.  Reason being that the fridge is airtight and therefore sound proof – I’m not completely mad.  Damn thing sang all arvo and made me laugh every time I opened the fridge door until David came home.  Couldn’t believe I’d put it in the fridge so we put it back out the front.  I was only waiting to see how soon it would stop!

Just went out to look at the lights (9pm) and, you guessed it, it’s still singing.  How long does one of those batteries last???  It’s a sealed unit so it can’t be replaced if ever it does run out, but I think it’s possessed.  Mid-July it’ll still be singing in the cupboard.  Might have to take a shovel to it.

Note added 8th December – Well fans, it did finally stop about 36 hours after it started.  Not bad eh?  But then the next sprinkler day happened and it started up again – this time for only ½ a day.  But guess what?  I went out this morning and…. OH NOOOooooo ‘jingle bells, jingle bells… joy to the world….’  It had rained in the night.  Aaaarrggghhhhhh….

Wed 29 Nov 06
David had a lady ask him for the new bus timetables today.  He said “Pardon?” and she said “For when the clocks change, won’t there be new timetables?”  He didn’t know WHAT to say!!!

Because they’ve never had daylight savings here they just do not understand.  We’ve had people say the extra hour of sun will fade their curtains, peel the paint on their verandahs and who knows what else.  But new bus timetables has to take the cake!!!

Sun 26th Feb 06
Let me tell you a short story.  I am not, and never have been, impressed by farting as a topic of humour.  Is it just me that’s miserable?  Or is it something that only (normally) appeals to men anyway?

A couple of weeks ago David was whingeing yet again that he does not like the start up or shut down music provided by Bill Gates and was sick to death of being bossed around as to what he must listen to at these times, and that the neighbours knew when he turned his computer on and off.  So I decided to be kind and loving, as wives are, and change his computer noises.  I typed fart.wav into Google and up came some websites with suitable noises.  I downloaded about a dozen, in tears of laughter, and replaced all of David’s computer noises with a veritable orchestra.  Start up, shut down, errors, incoming email, reminders, opening files, device connection and empty trash can were all allocated a different rendering of the above bodily function.

I was so excited when he got home from work and said “I’ve sent you an email” to make him turn his computer on.  There went the first blast and he looked a bit sideways at the computer, as you can imagine.  Clicked to open Outlook and there went another.  In came his mail and there was yet a different one.  I was laughing my head off.

David?  Nothing.  No smile, no laugh, just a total old bore.  Then deadpan he said “I hope you’re going to change that back?”  I realised he didn’t know how to himself.  Such a shame.  So I left it.  For 2 weeks.  That’ll teach him for being so ungrateful.  Until finally we had a visitor when his computer was on and he had to explain himself, as it sure wasn’t me!  And finally he laughed and enjoyed it.

The next day I helped him get some new noises of his own choice and we now have steam trains rattling through the place at all hours, Dr Who’s Tardis arriving, and Morticia Adams constantly announcing (too loudly) “Mail’s in!”.

For the ladies reading this, it will help you understand that you are not married to the *only* misery guts on the planet.  For the men, it will help you understand that it is *appreciation* that gains you what you want from your wife, not being miserable and ungrateful.  Hehehehe.

Thu 2nd Dec 04
Do you want a laugh?  I was doing some pruning in the alleyway down the side of the house this afternoon and saw a spider.  Checked out that it wasn’t a redback, and just watched where it was to make sure it didn’t climb on me.  I don’t dislike spiders, but they make me jump if they climb on me, so I was being careful.  Reached through the fronds of the fern with my left hand to hold the dead bit, and the right hand with the secateurs, and out of nowhere something large lept up from underneath and grabbed my hand.  I didn’t know I could scream, I never have before in my life, but I did now!  I felt rather sorry for the neighbours once my heart had slowed a bit, but it took me almost an hour to get over the fright.  I expect you can guess, it was the damn cat.  And he must have enjoyed the game too because he was lying in wait as I pruned further down the alley, once I’d recovered sufficiently.  David touched my side as I was cooking dinner over an hour later and I jumped into next week!